During their walk home from school, Lisa noticed something about Tim, the boy she had known all her life. She was looking at him, as she felt like something had changed.
„What’s going on with you dumb ass?“ She asked while pinching him playfully.
„Nothing you stupid nut, what do you mean?“ He replied jokingly while trying hard not to stumble.
„You have a crush on her, too, right? I mean Maria. I saw how you guys look at her.“ Lisa went on, as she adjusted her skirt.
„No, I’m not interested in Maria, not at all. Honestly.“ Tim responded with a big smile.
The rest of their way home, they did not talk at all but every time, Tim made the impression he wanted to start talking, Lisa slowed down a little while looking at him. Once they arrived at her door, he nodded his head and left. Nothing else. He just went straight away.
No, I’m not a girl like this! Lisa wrote in her diary that evening, nothing else.
For days there was no other entry in her diary. She was impressed by that girl, that everybody liked. Impressed but full of antipathy at the same time. „Maria, the girl that’s laughing with EVERYBODY!“ Wrote Lisa days later.
The club was crowded, people on the dance floor were having a great time. Lisa went to the club with Sophie, a fellow student. It was just then, that she realized, she hasn’t seen her in almost two hours. Where did she go? Behind the dance floor, in the smoking area of the club, Lisa thought she saw her from afar. No other girl could move so gracefully but tempting while dancing. As she got closer, Lisa knew she was right. It was, in fact, Sophie. There she was, dancing, laughing loud, just like she was dancing to the music and fighting at the same time. „Lisa, Lisa, come here! I need to introduce someone to you!“ She yelled. Her wild gesticulation was supposed to be inviting.
„Yes, here I am,“ said Lisa. Sophie pulled a guy towards her, hugged him and gave him a little kiss on his cheek, as she yelled again: „This is Ben, this handsome young man is Ben.“ Lisa was waiting for the point of her saying that, to no purpose. Alright, this is Ben.
Sophie got right back dancing, moving while she raised her glass. When she winked at Lisa she understood: She was supposed to have fun as well. Lisa did her best, moving a little bit to the beat. During her drive home in the cab, Lisa was thinking about Sophie. She was impressed by her, wholeheartedly impressed. However, she felt that little antipathy, too. Why that? Did she feel so superior that she couldn’t get around to classify girls, to judge them? That was not right. Absolutely not but still she thought „I’m not a girl like this.“
It had been a successful day for Lisa. Two of her articles had been placed on the front page in the newspaper she was working for. Her colleagues bombarded her with compliments. Lisa was proud, happy about all the compliments she received for her work. She loved, each and every lovely word, all the attention. When she was laying in bed that night, she was thinking about what she would write in her diary, if she would at all. All these years she told herself what kind of girl she was not. Yet, she asked herself what kind of girl she wanted to be like instead?
Looking up at her ceiling, where her dad placed those tiny glowing star-stickers, she thought about how she called him silly when he did. Still, now she felt like they are a little piece of home, while she was far away from home.
Lisa fell into a deep dreamless sleep. She was woken up by her door bell. Scared she jumped up. Something terrible must have happened! There was just no reason anybody would ring her bell, quite this early Sunday morning, without even calling before. She put her robe on while running to the intercom: „Yes, yes, hello, who’s there?“ She asked excitedly. Silence.
„Hello?“ she repeated. As there was no answer, Lisa went back to bed, thinking it must have been some kids pranking her. Later that day, she just got ready for a run, when she fell over something at her doorstep. It was an envelope. After she got scared she got skeptical, investigating the small package on which her name was written. As she shook the package she was convinced that there’s nothing in it but paper.
Carefully, she opened the envelope. To her surprise, it contained an edition of the newspaper she was working for. Both of her articles were circled with a thick red pen. Below, there was this note:
No, you are not a girl like this.
You had to become the woman you are today.
PS I’ve never liked Maria! Call me please, I’m not a guy like this either.