life

My choice?

Only you, my charm, my all.
Certainly.
„You’re the one I’ve chosen,“ I say softly.
My free decision, all that I want.
Certainly?

This Love does not only seem infinite,
it extends every day,
through our gloomy valley,
which we, for right now, call our life.

I knew it would be hard,
saw it, the stony path ahead.
The monsters, they lurk, hate,
each one of our successes.
Malicious grins, about any setback,
that hits us.

Moments of farewell forever
burned in my memory.
tattooed on my heart,
cut into my skin, with a rusty blade.
Never was I happier,
never, no hour in my
Life, sadder than right at this moment.

Love leaves us no choice.
It breaks over us like a fire.
Since that day we have been burning.
You and me.
Love makes the choice we believed we had.
And when the flames strike high.
There is no choice at all.

 

 

 

Werbeanzeigen

„Let go, what you love. If it comes back, it’s yours – forever. “ Confucius

In which picture does this quotation of the liberated love, which animates us, make sense to us? Some say it is the gesture of trust, not freedom itself.
Others believe, love should always mean freedom, too.
By the release, the great love returns to us. What, however,
made liberation necessary? Maybe we love so desperately, so suffocatingly and engaging that only the wearing of a straightjacket could imitate that kind of love. We do not leave a centimeter of space, literally rob the other one of their oxygen. We are always there.
Too close?

However, there is also that kind of love that needs neither freedom nor return.
Romantic? Yes. Reasoned and not true? Not always.
This love that makes us feel free. Simply because we found what we needed.
We were not searching at all. At least that’s what we say and even as our lips form the words, our heart sings another song. The “ you are the one I’ve been looking for my whole life“ -Evergreen.
„At last we are united,“ the lyrics continue. Rounded off by „Never again
I want to be a day without you, „in our chorus.
Love of my life. Us. Forever.

What kind of love is the true one? The ultimate real?
In a world where a „standoff“ is seemingly unacceptable, there is still no winner

People love. Differently.

 

Heavily in debt?

Do you know the feeling of being in debt with your destiny?
Actually, that kind of feeling that comes to us when we are particularly very happy.
Some will say this goes along with the value we give ourselves, our
Self-esteem, so to say. Most people would think, a person who’s able to find self-love to some degree must be able to accept the positive things in life. Without this negative, bitter aftertaste. Allegedly.

Isn’t it true, that we constantly tend to overlook “everyday happiness” in our lives?
Our health, as one part of it, only noticeable once something is wrong.  All these days, months, and years that we felt perfectly fine are just really important when they seem to be over, though, hopefully only temporarily.

The gratitude and thus the fear, that something bad could follow, rises as soon as the experience goes beyond this „everyday happiness“ is a real thing.
A promotion that results in more self-realization and a reduction in financial fears. We are honest, grateful. Also, proud of our own achievements. Maybe?
When to expect the unpreventable “slap in the face”, for all positivity? We await and expect exactly that.

Dramatic it is, the naked fear, something terrible might happen.
Something inexpressible. Right now, all of us “part-time superstitious believers” would have to knock on wood three times, only to prevent any of these terrible situations.
Yes, it is precisely this fear that surpasses us, in case we belong to the fortunate ones, who have no doubt they found their „forever“- love for themselves. The person you can call “mine” without sounding like a freak or silly romantic. Every single look of love, even after the initial infatuation, of having a crush on someone, had already disappeared but was gradually replaced by something greater, stronger: True love.
This overdose of love and feelings that no other human being ever felt. Emotions, that cannot be observed from the outside, cannot be modeled. This precious gift, only existing between both of you.

What’s next?
There’s only one possible answer: It must be something terrible.
The loss of this, your person.
Having another loved one get hurt? The loss of your own life?

Do you have a balance with your destiny? Your accounts in a plus?
I hope not. Let’s pray for balance, the number zero in your account of life.
While I think about the best thing that ever happened to me, I knock on wood. Just to make sure, exactly three times. Trusting that the interest rate for my repayment, that I pay back in small rates, is not going to rise.

What we are willing to buy

Snow-white laundry, free of any spots, in just one load.
The very new product. An innovation on the market.
From off the shelves, the magic material migrates directly into our hands.
„Did it work?“ Asks our friend a week later.
„Alright, but I expected more,“ we return.

Art of technology, unsurpassed in operation and functionality.
Ingenious and slim design, simply great.
Well, of course, it’s going to cost a little more. Right?
After weeks of use, we wonder if this new system, our own little droid, was worth the money.

We are ready to believe, ready to buy
countless lies of advertising.
Propaganda and bad news in our daily mix.
We are ready to believe. If not immediately, we’ll for sure get there.

What we are not willing to believe is

I love you.

Let us be friends.

You are special.

Of course, we’ve often been deceived or even disappointed, correct?
You know, it’s not like we have an infinite number of chances.
Right here, it doesn’t matter if different people are asking for a chance.
Better punish the people who never hurt us, because of all those who did.
For sure, we won’t allow ourselves to fall for this again.

The latest product, although the last was already a disappointment, is on sale.
Of course, we reserve a place for us in the queue immediately.
Doesn’t it just sound too good?

How many?

How many nights she spent,
in wait for the infinite night.
The most beautiful of all, the „now and forever“.

How many tears she cried,
without ever having those for true love,
until now, the ones that burn her skin.

How many dreams she dreamt,
adventure and cheering experienced all together,
until she found the one dream, her “every night”.

How many moments she was happy,
has laughed out loud,
without knowing what happiness
truly is. Until now.

How many times she pleaded,
on her knees, for the one,
coming to her life, until now.
Until he came.

How many years, months, days, hours
and minutes are still on her route,
before eternity is here.
How many?

Questions

What drives you?
Which factor motivates you?
What makes push your limits?
Where’s your goal?

Who owns your heart?
Have you found this special person?
Are you looking for him or her?
Do you feel loved, in any way?

What keeps you awake at night?
What is it that fills your thoughts,
giving you sleepless nights?
Why can’t they be delayed, these thoughts?

What is it that makes you strong?
Where do you get your strength from?
Maybe you had to fight, without having a choice?
Are you a protector, and if so, who
protects you?

Is it just this life right here for you?
Do you think we have only one chance?
Do you think there are many lives
or one after the “right here”?

What makes you happy?
A smile on your face,
the world seems fine.
What is it that makes you happy?
For just a moment, or maybe forever?

What music makes you want to dance?
Whether your body or your mind,
What music, makes you want to move?
Can you describe it, this feeling?

Do you feel like dancing, maybe with me?

Wait

Stop waiting for the special moment,
the magic, the enlightenment.

Stop waiting for the big, true love,
good things are often closer than you may think.

Stop waiting for perfection,
it’s nothing more than a fairy tale.

Stop waiting for luck and happiness,
be happy, right here, right now.

Stop waiting for the sparkling idea,
go ahead, find some inspiration.

Stop waiting for the phone to ring,
take it, dial, take action.

Stop waiting for tomorrow, today,
here and now is the day.

Stop waiting, you may miss something.
Stop waiting, time is running out.
Stop waiting, for everything to fall into place.
Live now!

While these suggestions are not wrong,
they are not completely right either:

The one who’s believing in magic is ready to wait for it.
True, big and never-ending love, is sometimes not easy to find.Perfection, not to wait but to strive for.
Luck and happiness right here and now, but not as change for the price of the real thing.
Found inspiration could be the route to the great idea.
The call you are waiting for, maybe it needs a bit more time.
Today is one of your days, but tomorrow could be the “day of days”.

Wait.
The one who’s able to wait, because he wants to, is unbreakable.

Thankful

„She gave her all for me. I cannot leave her hanging all alone”, Klara told herself while
taking her shoes and jacket off. She just got back home from visiting her grandma.
Right there, on her little table in the hallway, the postcard her parents sent her was sitting.
This one was from Malta, it was one of many.

Klara’s dad was a successful international correspondent for a well-known online magazine.
One of the most famous in Europe. A few years ago, he changed his job from being a senior editor in Berlin, for this big chance. Her mother and him, left just weeks after he made that decision. Back in during time, Klara was still studying art-history at the university. She got her degree and started to work in a local art gallery. While loving her job, other than work, there was not much holding her in Berlin but, there was Grandma. She already had been care-dependent before her parents left. They took care of everything and, that’s why she had the luxury of having a private nurse living with her. Still, there was something missing: Family.

More than once, her parents asked her to pull up stakes and leave to be with them.
The magazine her dad worked for, offered Klara a job as a columnist, for a weekly art feature. She could travel the world and explore the local art, together with her parents.
Indeed, the task of writing something profound every week scared her a little but then again, she was sure she could succeed. Each time when she left to see her grandma, Klara told her herself, that she’d talk to her about it. She never had the heart to do so.
Too heavy, the guilt arising in her heart. The guilty feeling of leaving her alone.
The loneliness she’d probably fall into.

Not only once, she came home in anger. Not like her grandmother ever said anything that made her mad, but because, Klara, was such a coward. She was simply not able to make the words leave her lips. Also, she was mad at her parents. They were just doing whatever their own plan was about, being closer related to grandma than she was.
For sure, they took good care of her. From afar.

The next morning, Klara glanced the last time onto the postcard her parents had sent while taking her jacket. On her way to the subway, she built up her speech in her mind: “Grandma, I love you, but I don’t want to waste that opportunity”,
“Please don’t cry. I will come to visit as often as possible”,
“I hesitated for so long, but now I’ve made my choice”.
Just as she turned the key in the lock of her grandma’s door, her heart was beating heavily. Anne-Marie, the nurse of her grandma was waiting for her. Ready to take her jacket.
“Go inside, Klara. She’s waiting already”, Anne-Marie said, in a happy tone.
Klara walked through the big, white folding doors into the living room of the old lady, who was sitting in her wheelchair, facing the big window.
“My baby, I’m so happy you are here”, she said, with an angelic smile on her face.
Autumn leaves were dancing in the wind outside.
“I, I am so happy to see you, too, Grandma”, Klara said. Almost pushing the words out.
How the heck could she even think about that? Exactly, she could not.

Gratitude is sometimes a bond, but often a chain.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Nothing – part 3

Darkness turned into light.
My limbs, still hurting,
but full of grace, I took the misery.

Voices have been heard,
just like music, but one was special.
Beautiful, soft and close.

A hand, on mine,
I recognized this feeling.
This was the hand that held me for so long.

The storm was over,
the torturing nothing through the ages,
towards a better era.

Love that hit me,
covering all the pain.
Love, that I gave, erasing all my misery.

Still, blurred my sight,
little by little coming back to me,
dripping like soft rain.

The eyes I looked into,
the face I saw right in front of me,
I felt as I knew it, saw it before,
as I’ve lived this moment already.

Tears were running down the face,
just as it was back then,
exactly like this. Being robbed of this memory all my life,
I knew for sure, I’ve lived it before.

“My child”, she said.
“Mama”, I wanted to say, but my voice wasn’t ready.
“My darling, I knew you’d make it through this”,
“Mama, I love you”, my lips shaped voiceless.

A new beginning.
Not a new life, but mine.
Yet, it starts over again, weak and small.
The scene almost alike, full of hope.

The light, stronger than darkness.
Saved from an ocean of nothing.
It was hope that triumphed,
at last, it didn’t die.

Nothing – part 2

The pain burning down my chest and I couldn’t be happier.
Here it is, a real feeling, I burn!
Each and every breath I take, the pain unbearable.
It’s raising up into my head, I can feel it, throb and vibrate.
My limbs rip, the pain doesn’t stop.
Filling my lungs with oxygen again. More powerful, the flames in my chest.
The twitching of my arms, I can’t control.
Any agony, better than the nothing I was in.
Bedded in physical misery, my memory comes back.
Just like a thunderclap.
A day on the beach, windy and cloudy. Sand under my feet, my route leading me along the beach as dark clouds set in to stay. They turn pitch black while the storm doubles its speed. I wanted to return, should have done that earlier for sure.
I turn on my heel, telling myself I should walk faster.
The world seemed to end. Looking over the waves of the wild ocean, it was like I heard someone scream.

I scanned the waves, my sight blurred by rain and sand, lashing in my face.
There I saw it, right in front of me, but miles away.
Almost I didn’t recognize, there was someone drowning. In a heartbeat, I turned around: “Help! We need help!“, I shouted out loud.
The beach earlier crowded with people, was empty now. There was not a single soul out there. I need to save this person! As I stumbled in the direction to the ocean, I slipped out of my shoes and jacket. „I’m coming to save you!“, I yelled. Arrived in the cold water, I realized how troublesome this rescue will become. Not as easy as I imagined. I pushed all my powers into my arms and legs while swimming. Never ending the time seemed while I was getting closer to my goal. I gulped way too much water, coughing and shaken from that, I still pushed through.
When I reached her, I noticed that it was a young woman, not screaming any longer.
She was floating in the high waves that surrounded us.
Was I too late? At my first try to grab her, I felt the heaviness of her body. How should I rescue her and myself? I wrapped both my arms around her shoulders, while I backstroke. Captured by the next powerful wave, I felt the water filling up my lungs.
I held her close, strongly pressing her onto my body.
Underwater, I opened my eyes. The perspective pitch black for us, in every sense.
Here it goes, my memory, floating away. Nothing up from this point.
Did my existence end right here?

The pain of breathing most likely just a phantasm, I gave it another chance.
Focusing on nothing but that, I let the memory fade. Far away.
The pain came back, burning like straight from hell. Running through my eyes, just like salty water.
When it seemed, as any minute of misery would be my end for sure, I pushed further.
Another breath.